Broken
by Aranna Undomiel
Summary: Set during 4x18 'Shooting Star'. He thought he had moved past it, he thought he had finally gotten a chance. But all it took was one scream for the memories to return...


**Broken**

**by**

**Aranna Undomiel**

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So, I was watching episode 4x18 'Shooting Star' a couple of days ago, talk about emotional…

But I was somewhat surprised by Blaine's lack of reaction to everything that was happening around him. My muse got interested too and started brooding on reasons for this odd behaviour, distracting her from my other stories. And this is what she came up with…

Not beta-ed, so all mistakes are my own. Hope you'll enjoy.

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He thought it would have been the Sadie Hawkins Dance that triggered the memories, but to his surprise and utter relief, they stayed where he had managed to bury them all those years ago.

He thought he had been over it, had finally dealt with it all and had moved on, feeling happier and more carefree than he could ever remember being since he came out to his parents.

But now, sitting here on the cold choir room floor with his back against a piano and those memories replaying over and over again in his head; he realised how foolish he had been. He had only been fooling himself, letting himself believe he wasn't broken beyond repair…

All it had taken was a scream, filled with fear and a voice calling out with despair: "Please let me go!" The terrified sobs from the girls in the room carefully stripped away all the layers he had placed on top of each other, leaving the gaping hole in his heart wide open, memories of other screams and pleas trickling out. They came slowly at first, brief flashes of movement and dark feelings, but more and more came until they were all he could think about…

At first he had felt all right, well okay, not all right but that was to be expected. He was scared, off course, a normal reaction to a gun going off inside the school; everyone was terrified. He had tried to shove the piano in front of one of the doors, but the thing had been too heavy to move. He had ushered everyone to hide, helping Artie out of his wheelchair to sit beside him behind the piano. But after sitting there for god knows how long, he felt a familiar feeling of helplessness creeping up on him, followed by a paralyzing fear. Once again there was someone trying to kill him, for no apparent reason. And once again he was powerless to do anything against it…

He was snapped out his thoughts momentarily when Mr Shue addressed them, urging them to start telling everyone what was happening. And for a moment he had something to do again, something to take charge off. Pulling out his phone, he stared at the screen for a moment, wondering who to text and what to say. _Mom, Dad and Cooper off course. Wes and David, they'll tell the rest. Sebastian, Kurt, Burt. And Tina….oh god please let her be okay…_

'I love you all so much. I'm sorry for the things I've done to hurt you. I tried so hard to be perfect, but I never really succeeded…Someone fired a gun in school, so if I don't make it, please know that I loved you all with all my heart!"

He had just sent his message, feeling a little sliver of peace settle inside him, since at least this time he got the chance to say goodbye; when movement came from the other side of the room. Startled, his eyes followed Sam as he made his way towards the door where Mr Shue and Coach Beiste were hiding, but Mr Shue managed to push the blonde boy down beside him after a short struggle. _At least Sam is trying to do something, to fight for the one he loves…_ He had tried to fight back all those years ago, but there had been three of them, big strong guys against two young and terrified boys, taken by surprise. So in the end he had just given up, let them beat and kick him, waiting for the end to come as he listened to Jack's cries growing softer and softer.

Silence reigned for a while, only broken by the occasional sniffles and hiccups from the terrified girls and he could feel the panic start to rise again, the dark corners of the room closing in on him, images from the darkest corners of his mind threatening to consume him. Sam's sudden leap towards the door had taken him by surprise, though he tried belatedly to get a hold of him. But as Sam's desperate screams and pleas, soon muffled by Mr Shue's hand, filled the choir room, his mind was catapulted to another time and place. He buried his head in his arms, covering his ears to shut out the pleas and the girls' terrified sobs, but it was no use, for the same sounds echoed in his head from all those years ago, in another place that once had seemed safe and light.

He didn't know how long he sat there, trapped in his own nightmares, oblivious to his surroundings. A hand gently landing on his head startled him out his cycle of memories and he flinched violently. He pushed himself away from his attacker, but found he couldn't go far as his back collided with something behind him. His head shot up, eyes darting around frantically, not really seeing anything, before they finally settled on the person who had touched him: Sam. The blonde was hunched in front of him, hands raised slightly in a sign of surrender, or trying not to startle him. Sam's mouth was moving constantly and Sam's haunted blue eyes were slowly filling with worry. Locking eyes with Sam, he felt his panting breath and racing pulse slowing down, until finally the sounds from the room started to filter back in, as if he was coming up from under water. There was still the sound of crying, but the sound was somehow different now. It took him a while longer to realise the cries were filled with the sound of relief instead of fear and he finally focused on the steady stream of words still flowing from Sam's lips. "It's okay Blaine, the police is here. You're safe now, no one can hurt you. We're all safe…" Sam kept up this litany of soothing words until their meaning finally settled in his terrified mind. He made a conscious effort to relax his shoulders and unclasp his hands from where they were holding his pants in a death grip. As he unfolded himself, he could see relief flooding Sam's eyes. "You okay, Blaine?" The blonde asked, before shaking his head. "Sorry, stupid question." Blaine smiled despite himself and he was rewarded with a grin back from Sam. The blonde stood up slowly, holding out his hand in an offer to him. He placed his hand in Sam's and let himself be pulled to his feet and straight into Sam's waiting arms…

Sam's arms circled around him, holding him close in a crushing embrace. He buried his face in the taller boy's shoulder, fisting his hands in the back of Sam's flannel shirt. He doesn't know how long they stand there like that, Sam holding on to him, as he cries into his friend's shoulder. He holds on until the paralyzing fear is slowly receding and the memories are once again only echoes in the back of his mind.

Standing there in Sam's embrace, surrounded by his friends, he begins rebuilding the layers on top of the dark hole in his heart, until it is fully sealed off again, this time holding two moments he never wants to, or can, relive; instead of one. When they all finally let go, he has rebuild himself. Shaking off the lingering feeling off unease in the back of his mind, he pulls himself upright, eyes scanning the people in the room. Everyone is scared, shaken to the core, so he can't be anymore. They need him to be strong; to be there for them to turn to.

And he needs them to need him…Because if they don't, he's not sure he'll be able to start himself over all again…

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THE END

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So this is pretty dark, but those moments in the choir room were pretty intense in that episode. And I know Blaine's behaviour doesn't follow how we see him in the episode to the dot; I left some parts out. But this way the story flowed better.

I would love to hear what you thought of this. Reviews make my day :D


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